Bone of the Grandmother
by roseblack123
Summary: One of the ingredients for Voldemort's return is the bone of his father. But what happens when Wormtail accidentally uses his lunatic grandmother's bone instead? Find out!


**Well, I was really bored and decided to type this up. Please review!**

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Everything had gone according to plan. Harry Potter had arrived outside the Riddle House, and was trapped by the gravestone. Wormtail was preparing the Regeneration Potion. After so long, Voldemort was finally going to rise again.

But of course, Wormtail was, well, Wormtail. There wasn't a thing he could ever do right.

"Bone of the father, unknowingly given, you will renew your son!" he chanted, retrieving the bone and adding it to the cauldron.

"Flesh of the servant, willingly sacrificed, you will revive your master," he continued, chopping off his own hand from the wrist.

"Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken, you will resurrect your foe," he finished, slicing Harry's hand and dripping the blood into the cauldron.

Voldemort rose from the cauldron, stretching as he did. There was something off about him. He could feel it in his veins. He should have been feeling satisfaction and glee at the success. He should have smirked at the sight of Potter, helpless. That was the perfect time to plan out his revenge.

Instead, the only thing he was fantasizing about was… eating guacamole?

He glanced at the gravestone and gasped. The idiot hadn't used Tom Riddle Senior's bone; no, he had used his _grandmother's_. His grandmother, the filthy loon, was used to regenerate him.

"Damn it," he murmured under his breath. That's what was causing the strange thoughts in his mind.

"M-my Lord?" Wormtail squeaked.

Voldemort glared at him. "You fool! You used the wrong bone! No wonder I'm feeling strange…"

Not wasting any time, he grabbed Wormtail's arm and stuck his wand to it, calling all of his followers. Within seconds, they arrived, forming a circle around him.

For some reason, he didn't see them as followers any longer. "It is a delight to see all of you again, my chums."

Chums? He needed to find a way to fix his mind.

The Death Eaters glanced at each other in confusion. The Dark Lord had indeed called them friends before, but never had he thrown around a term used casually.

He was rapidly losing their respect, and he knew it. He had to prove to them that he was still all powerful and capable of destroying the "legendary" Harry Potter.

"You!" he screeched, blasting the gravestone. Harry crashed to the ground, groaning from the pain.

"Get up!" he forced Harry, dragging him up by the shirt. Harry balanced himself and returned the glare.

"Get away from me!" Harry yelled.

Now was his chance. Now was the moment to shine.

"I challenge you to a rap battle!" Voldemort cackled, stopping abruptly. What was wrong with the woman whose bone he possessed?

The circle filled with confused mutterings. Of all the methods that their Lord could take the child down, he chose a way that even Muggles wouldn't use to kill.

Harry's mouth fell open. "What?"

There was no backing out now. The last thing Voldemort wanted was to make the others think that he actually made mistakes.

"You heard me. I want a rap battle," he croaked.

Harry stared at him, almost as if questioning if he was more afraid when Voldemort was sane or not. Somehow, Voldemort himself couldn't agree more.

"Er…" Harry was at a loss for words.

"_Yo, I am Vo_

_You will never ever know_

_I'm the Heir of Slytherin_

_I will do his job to cleanse_," Voldemort started.

Seeing he had no choice, Harry chimed in.

"I'm Harry Potter

Gonna marry Weasley's daughter

I sent Moldy Voldy far

Escaped with nothing but a scar."

"_Wormtail is the tattle_

_He helped me start up this battle_

_And Potter is gonna die_

_Watch me soar across the sky._"

"Got my mother's protection

I am nothing but perfection

You've got no one to love

That is why I'm way above."

"_I'm the Darkest wizard out there_

_I don't give a damn, I don't care_

_Gotta kill all of those Mudbloods_

_There are so many, it's like a flood!_"

"At least my mum isn't psycho

Forcing Riddle to love her so

And my father tried to save us

While yours threw your mum under the bus."

"Grr…" Voldemort growled.

Harry smirked. "Get on my league."

He grabbed Diggory's body and summoned the Portkey, disappearing into the sky. Voldemort screeched with anger and failure.

Not only did he just give up his opportunity to kill his arch nemesis, he lost a _rap battle_ to Harry Potter.

Was there anything that boy couldn't do?

The Death Eaters glanced at each other questionably. Voldemort snarled internally. What could he do now? His own followers were starting to lose their faiths in him.

Perhaps, if he bonded with them, he could show them that they were still a team and maybe, just maybe, they would worship him.

"I have an idea, and I want all of you to participate. Those who do not will suffer my wrath," he announced.

"What is it?" Lucius Malfoy asked.

Voldemort only smirked.

Three hours later, Voldemort found himself having the time of his life.

The cool breeze blew into his face, caressing his nostrils as he flew up and down. The sensation was unlike anything. All he could wonder was why he had never thought of doing it before.

"Isn't this the grandest idea?" he shouted gleefully.

The Death Eaters stood respectfully a good distance away from him, their eyes following him.

"Of course, my Lord. Nothing could be better than a trampoline party," Nott responded. It was more than obvious that he was lying, but Voldemort was having far too much fun to care.

"Join me!" he yelled. Hesitantly and reluctantly, the Death Eaters relented, bouncing on their own trampolines.

Voldemort stared as Snape did the most incredible backflips and somersaults on the trampoline. His gorgeous, greasy black hair whipped back and forth in the wind. Voldemort touched his own, bald head, desperately craving for the perfection upon Snape's head.

"Leave me!" he stopped the Death Eaters. Thankful, they each scurried out, questioning if being a part of the cause was worth it any longer.

The second they all left, Voldemort transfigured a spider on the ground and turned it into a large, brown teddy bear.

"I'm going to name you Bob," he murmured, cuddling with it. "Bob, what do I do? Potter has the nose to die for, and I would almost give up another chunk of my soul for Snape's hair. I need to find a way to have all of that. How do I accomplish this?" he sighed.

He pulled the string at the back of the bear.

"I love you!" Bob chanted.

Voldemort beamed. "I love you too, Bob. In fact, you have given me the perfect idea."

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**It's pretty short, but there's that. I'll continue to update it whenever I can. Again, please review! Thanks!**


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